Dating Horrors by Sign

The frightfest occurs when you get to know them for real!

by Jeffrey Kishner

Although costumes are customary on Halloween, we all wear masks the other 364 days of the year. We put on our best face, especially when navigating the dangerous territory known as the dating world. We all want to be liked -- the problem is that you don't always know what's underneath your date's exterior. All sorts of creepy crawlies may come out from underneath his or her pleasant façade during your night on the town. It can be truly frightening! Here's what you can expect based on your date's Sun sign:

Aries (March 21 - April 19)
At first, Aries comes across as a powerful pioneer driving an impressive pickup truck. Once darkness falls, the conversation is all "me me me," and the Ram doesn't give two cents about your feelings or point of view. If you don't come to agree with your Aries' side of the discussion, then you're ditched by the side of the road.

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
Taurus can be an art-loving, sensual, earthy sort who is a pleasure to be with. But when the Bull's true colors show, you are exposed to someone who views you as nothing more than another object to add to their collection. Even if you provide Taurus with security, the Bull won't let you out of sight. That's when you know you're in Hell.

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You can be having a stimulating conversation, jumping between fascinating topics, and gossiping about the latest celebrity downfalls -- but then, Gemini starts scoping out other people. You're certain you can't keep Gemini's attention no matter how hard you try, as there is always another hottie to check out. Either that, or you're competing with the Twins' Blackberry or cell phone.

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
It feels great to be nurtured and fed delicious, home-cooked meals, But, when Cancer demands that you stay home every night to watch movies, and then invites your in-laws over at least twice a week … that's when the true horror begins. Be sure to get out before children enter the picture!

Leo (July 23 - August 22)
Behind all the flash and dazzle -- which can make you feel special just being in the Lion's company -- there's always a chance that a wound to Leo's pride will unleash a dramatic roar that makes a telenovela seem tame. Their egocentrism will come out full force, and do you know what happens when you dis the King or Queen? Just try to keep your head firmly on your shoulders.

Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
You appreciate the attention to detail, how Virgo has methodically planned out the date. But beware of the Dark Side: soon this sign's ability to locate the smallest flaw will be directed at … you! Either your hair is out of place or there's an errant thread on your pants. When the Virgin starts correcting your grammar, you'll feel more like a schoolchild than a hot date. Run for the hills!